My useless talent

[Der Alta]

I've led a long and storied life for my few short years on this ball of mud we call home. Over the course of these many years, I've had myriad adventures.

One of which happened when I was but a teen. No cares, just where's my next Dew coming from and how am I getting to school. At this point in my young life, I'd already taken more than my fair share of blows to the head. BMX, Skiing, Living in the back woods, pool table in the basement, two younger and just as stupid brothers that could be dared into almost anything. Tarzan would have thought we were certifiable. Amazingly, I've only broken my collar bone and I've no speeding tickets or accidents, Ever!

So... where am I going with this? Golf is not a sport that agrees with me. Been golfing three times in my life. First one landed me in the Emergency room (that's what this tale is about), second resulted in a destroyed golf cart and a savage Pine tree that attacked us. Third time was a trip to the ER, not for, rather because of me. Shanked... FORE! FIVE! EIGHT!! JUST DUCK!!! nuts, he's down.

Anyways... My first trip to the Big open green, resulted in my brother hooking a ball off the first tee, into a tree, off a rock, and within feet of where I was standing. I emphatically announced my intent to stand behind him and out of harms way. I was too close. Used my skull (two inches above my left ear) to cut short his backswing. They tell me there was a lot of blood and the foursome after us elected to use the womens tee due to questionable stains on the guys tees.

Pulling the lasso tight on this story and reining it in, The multiple blows, with the golf club being the catalyst, have loosened my eye muscles. My eyes work independently. And yes, I can use them both at the same time. I can drive and read EQ on my Q. I can look her in the eye and down her shirt. It is absolutely hilarious to do it to people that don't know I can.

Yes, they're loose.

Its even more fun on the construction site, when I tell the framers/masons/excavators/roofers/yada that something isn't straight, plumb or level.

So tell me, what's your useless talent, and how'd it come about?

No, I haven't started drinking. Yet.

[cheri]

Very interesting story....the video is as interesting as the story. Sounds like your "useless" talent can be very useful.

i will have to think some more about what useless talent(s) to divulge.

[rudeboy]

i saw it... and that is just freaky man :}

[winotree]

Sometimes a man has to admit that he has been thoroughly and completely outclassed! Two good stories from you just this week...don't think I can play this round. SML: See Me Later.

[TarHeelsRule!]

My useless talent is swimming.

For some reason my mother was determined that her children learn how to swim. The first time that we had swimming lesson is was about 7. All we were taught how to do was put our faces in the water and blow bubbles and kick our feet while holding onto a floaty board. Then on "graduation day" we were supposed to jump off a diving board! All the parents are lined up along the fence and there is my mother standing there proudly thinking "ahhh my daughter is about to jump off and show me she can swim". ****correction- your daughter ain't about to jump off this diving board because your daughter can't swim!!

So after we moved to Charleston (dad was Air Force) she decided that I HAD to give it another try. So she signs me up again. By now I am 13-14. And all the other kids in the class were 6-7. Well, I don't know if you all how we as African-Americans don't like to get our hair wet, especially after spending good money to get a perm. But I had just gotten a perm so my darling, caring mother decided that I couldn't mess up my perm. So she got this brillant idea that we would put sanitary napkins inside of my swimming cap that way if any water got in the sanitary napkins would soak it up and the hair and perm would remain intact. Well, as Cheri can attest, sanitary napkins are NOT waterproof, at least the sticky side isn't. So after again blowing bubbles in the water, I look up and the instructor is looking at me kinda strange. The look was because the sanitary napkins are now floating the in pool!
Well, I can swim. After that embarassing experience I was determined that she was not going to sign me up again. Would I dare put on a bathing suit now and go to a pool to utilize this talent? A resounding and loud NO!

[cheri]

oh damn!
Well your mom did have a good idea at heart. And i have been made aware that african american women will NOT get their hair wet after a doo. Makes sense to me that is time and money. i remember as a kid most women swam with their head out of the water with or without a cap.