Good luck shaun with the custody battle. I so far have not had to go that route. I have very "big" female cousins. When "bm" starts that you won't see them I ask her if she wants a visit. After that she becomes very nice.
But having step children in the house is tough my kids think my wife is really the devil when she starts yelling. My step daughter thinks I'm "evil" when I yell. But as I told all of them. If we are evil but you all go on to be successful than you can hate us all you want.